Bonds

An Onion Sports Special Report: Barry Bonds has used steriods, according to EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER WATCHED BASEBALL...

When reached for comment, Bonds insisted that he "[doesn't] have time to deal with all these charges."

"I'm not going to respond to these 228 million allegations," Bonds said. "I don't care what every last person in the entire world thinks. As long as my fans believe me, that's the most important thing."

(thanks to Vic for story link; photo via ESPN Page 2)